I Inadvertently Ate Some Spit

And it was delicious

I was off visiting some long-time-no-seen friends last weekend in a big city called Kaohsiung (Gao-shiung). At first glance, my Taiwanese friend proffered, “You look like you’re enjoying life!”

I may have put on some weight since our last meetup.

First up was this area composed of antique waterfront warehouses turned into a hipster district. Grand tall ceilings in crisp wooden veneer now housed restaurants, museums, artsy stores, and delicious beer givers.

Crossing the bridge, the view really was quite something.

It even included its own version of the bat signal, assumably calling the Green Lantern?

Or aliens, maybe.

Before venturing out, we visited what my other friend called “the absolute best ice cream shop in all of Taiwan.” He would know. This gentleman was previously known for consuming 3 tubs of ice cream in a single day, including hiding secret stashes of empty boxes from his roommates.

Here’s a picture of the mountain of deliciousness. And what do you know—he was mostly right.

Except it was gelato.

No matter, tasted amazing. And of course, we had to wash our hands. Gelato melts quickly in the southern Taiwan heat!

Ahh, hipsters, gotta love your sense of humor.

From there we ventured off on the 3-minute ferry—because screw pedestrian bridges, right?—over to a small little place called CiJin Island.

We wandered around the beach a bunch, had some more beers, and ate some sort of egg-filled squid tempura on a stick. Not bad, kind of creamy. An hour or so later we mowed down at one of my favorite kinds of food stalls here, meat stands!

Pictured above: Lot’s of organ meat I wouldn’t touch with your hands, readers. That also includes ji pigu, otherwise known as chicken ass—pre-wiped, I assume.

As the night wore on, it was time to head back to shore. After disembarking, we wandered around a bit and stopped at a neat little bar for another beer.

After going to the bathroom, I walked back and noticed someone getting out of this…tube.

“Boss, what is…this?”

“Go inside and see”

Turns out, it’s the only vacuum elevator in all of southern Taiwan. Of course, I jumped right in and rode the entire 2 floors it operates on. Ever watch a TV show from the 50s to 80s and see those message-sending vacuum thingies?

Well, as Marshall McLuhan said, the medium is the message. And since you’re reading this, I’m the message. And psychic, I guess? Sorry, couldn’t quite fit a joke in there.

The entire elevator ominously rumbled when I pressed the button. At first, it was slow and shakey, and then, like a dirty fruit fly at the bottom of your margarita, I was sucked straight up to the top.

Neat. Very neat.

And we missed our train. Guess I wasn’t so psychic, after all.

At that point, we walked a friend back home through a crazy area straight out of a cheesy Western-produced 80’s movie set in Asia.

We ventured through alleyway after covered alleyway, with every other door being either a shop, restaurant, or entrance to somebody’s walkup. Unfortunately, nearly everything was closed in these wee hours of the morn.

Experiences included being repeatedly asked the time by an old lady in Taiwanese, walking through a food market only to get chased out by a giant screaming rat from hell, and seeing some authentic old-style noodles being dried.

But notice that bright red light at the end of the tunnellish alley there?

We did, too.

You guessed it, more beer!

The tiniest little bar in the tiniest little alley in Taiwan. Very cool. Japanese themed with beer on tap and Japanese whiskey. They also had food available scribbled on the back wall in chalk.

Being a hungry hungry hip boy, I asked what the owner’s favorite was. He said, try the chicken. So we ordered it. Turns out, one alley over was another restaurant bar, and they promptly delivered this delicious-looking bowl.

Thing is, that sh*t was spicy as hell.

And fridge-cold.

Other thing is, it was incredibly tasty. Probably the nicest flavor of food I’ve eaten in a month at least. I had to know more about the dish. That’s when the owner turned out to be quite the cheeky bloke.

Over the course of 3 minutes, he explained in Mandarin why it tasted so good. First off, it was kou shui ji, or spit chicken. Never heard of it. Gagged.

Then laughed as he further explained.

He said it was so delicious because it was made of spit from an under 25-year-old woman. Sweet he said. But this one might have been a mix of young man and young woman spit, which apparently added balance to the flavor.

Prompted further, he explained some people prefer older folk’s spit.

“What’s the difference?”

“Older the person, more the sour. Younger the spit, more the sweet.”

More prudish folks call the dish “saliva chicken” or even “Sichuan mouth-watering chicken.” And it’s this last name that should explain the weird term of the dish.

That sh*t was spicy as hell.

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J.J. Pryor

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