Did you get your microchip yet?
Hey peeps,
I finally, finally, finally was able to get my first shot today (they were unavailable here for a very long time).
You can see the pseudo-evidence in the above picture in case you don’t believe me.
And no, that slight swelling on my shoulder wasn’t caused by the shot. According to the doctor, it’s the result of years of struggling incessantly in the gym.
Unfortunately, he was unable to explain why I still have ample love handles, but I’m sure they’re just a temporary side effect.
So here I am, sitting in a coffee shop 3 hours later, monitoring for any other side effects.
According to the document they gave me in Chinese, I am illiterate.
According to the second document they later gave me in English, I have a greater than 10% chance of experiencing a short fever, swelling, and/or tenderness around the extremely muscled shoulder.
As for anecdotal evidence, I’ve only experienced three major side effects so far:
A little bit of tenderness in my shoulder, almost a slight numb feeling, really.
Sudden onset of extreme arrogance and narcissism.
An incredibly handsome face.
If that’s the worst of the side effects, then I’m A-OK with that! Hell, #2 could even make me an idiotic president someday. Wow, imagine that. Nothing could bring on the end-of-days faster as I’m not sure how long society would last after the water supply turned from water into wine. Or beer.
Anyway, according to the cute nurse at the office, I don’t speak Chinese very well. She also managed to explain to me I have a follow-up appointment for the next one in 2 months.
Which is fantastic, as that will allow me to finally visit home again!
Good news for my parents, bad news for their bank accounts. As part of my filial contract, JJ requires room and board.
(Board, in this case, includes a constant drip-feed of not-so-cheap delicious Molson Canadian beer.)
Here’s looking forward to seeing the world again!
Even if it is just home.
From JJ’s Vault
(As always, these are paywall-free links because you subscribe to my sh*tty newsletter.)
I’m switching up the order of the newsletter this week, so I only have 1 article to share, which means less reading for you. Yay!
It’s also a quick 2-minute humorous read. Yay!
It also made me laugh at my own jokes like a crazy maniac. Yes, it’s that funny. At least to me. Yay!
Why? Because…
And who doesn’t like a compliment?
That’s it! Stay tuned for the first Pryor Opinion newsletter later this week. The idea is I’ll create a custom essay just for you, and it’ll be exclusive to you guys for a month after. I assume some of you care.
If you don’t, let me know and I’ll fire that idea out the window faster than spoiled sushi through my system. Or you can just opt-out when it comes.
Cheers!
J.J. Pryor
Don’t forget to hit the little heart button or the title to give my newsletter a tiny boost. If you’re cool, of course. If not, my soul will die just a little more today.
The thought of you expelling spoiled sushi made me fall off my chair with laughter. I don't believe Grammarly's ratings - you are 100% funnier than any of the other writers in Medium. When you get your second shot you will have successfully joined the world of the Borg. Bill Gates will communicate directly with you and your detracters, if there are any, will be severely punished.
Changing the water into beer sounds pretty good, feeding the masses from 7 rolls of sushi sounds wonderful, and healing the sick will eliminate all Trump supporters.
Please supply a second beer tap for those of us who drink dark beer - Guinness if possible.
Whenever I write 'Trump supporters' I immediately think of smelly athletic supporters. I wonder why?
My condolences to your parents. Being subjugated to your humor 24/7 will be exhausting, but they can always watch TV from the idiots to their south if they wish to see true lunacy in action.
Hahaha. Missed your chance to blame the love handles on the vaccine.
Congrats! But don't count on it preventing COVID-19. I had the Sinopharm vaccine and got Delta while traveling (with double masks on and alcohol spraying everything), and infected my Pfizer-protected wife. But thankfully we've recovered and are healthy.